Annabelle Gurwitch: I’m disorganized, easily distracted, have a fear of anything medical and have a kid with health issues. My God would know that I was a poor choice for this assignment….
December 13, 2007 8:51 am Humor, Atheist Critiques of Religion1. Shellfish. My God would never make mussels, clams and oysters taste so good and then prohibit me, a Jewish gal, from eating them.
2. The meek shall inherit the earth. In my family, like much of America’s workforce, not only have the meek inherited nothing, they are barely holding on to their standard of living. So on this point alone, I reject the Bible.
3. American Gladiators. If there were a God, American Gladiators would not be returning to TV this winter.
4. Iran. If there were a God one part of our government wouldn’t be opening doors to negotiate with Ahmadinejad, while another fans the flames for military action.
5. There’s not enough good Szechwan in Los Angeles. If there were a God, he would make better Chinese food more readily available in Los Angeles. LA is mostly made up of transplanted New Yorkers, so why can’t we get good old chicken and broccoli in garlic source out West?
6. Britney Spears. If there were a God, Britney Spears wouldn’t be one of the most Googled topics on the Internet. Although perhaps there is a God and this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Example: Spears gave us views of her vajayjay: 3,450,000 Google hits. Jonas Salk gave us the polio vaccine: 212,000 Google hits.
8. God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. My God wouldn’t allow people to make up inane aphorisms about him. I’m disorganized, easily distracted, have a fear of anything medical and have a kid with health issues. My God would know that I was a poor choice for this assignment, that this saying is just moronic and only serves to make people like me feel worse when we inevitably fail.